schlepping it

Sorry its been so long. I've been working at my new job, which has been hectic, and I've been trying to paint an entire apartment, which has been wearing my ass out! And no, its still not done. Perhaps this week . . . ish. I have no idea. I've lost all momentum for the project. As for the job, well, I actually like parts of it. Like when I can help a customer and make them happy, thats nice. Or when they set me to update the book information from the publishers, and then sometimes I have to search around for information thats hard to find, and there's a lot of steps and it makes me feel a teeny bit like a dectective. But the downside is that the people I work with are. . . hmmm lets just say, not the most inviting bunch. This job is an entirely new experience for me, as in, I am truely schlepping it for The Man. Seriously, I can't say how of course, but there is one particulary policy that basically directs us to lie to the customers to prevent them from finding something cheaper somewhere else. It makes me feel as though I am slowly but surely chipping away at my soul. I mean I like the benefits and basically being in charge of myself, and not having to do manual labor and that it requires careful thought, there's some variety to it, and that it takes a bit of ingenuity here and there, but jeez, I kinda feel like I've completely abandoned my principles.
On top of all that I'm going through one of those "I'm gonna die alone." phases too. Good times right?
It further depresses me that my blog lately has just been bemoaning the devastingly normal trivialites of my life. When did I get to be so lame? Oh yeah, when I got back from China. Lame.

Wo xiang Zhong guo.

I'm so homesick for China. Yeah its weird. I'm like addicted to going through all my friends' (who are all still back in China) Facebook pages and looking at all their recent photos of them doing awesome stuff, that btw, I'm totally missing out on. So all it does is make me sad, make me miss me friends and speaking the language and make me think that I should've stayed on in China for another 6 months. I mean hell, its not like I did anything productive AT ALL, up until last week when I started my job and signed the lease on my new apartment. (Which we spent all of today painting and are still nowhere close to finished. {Painting is HARD!}) So basically thats about 2 and a half months that I just crapped on and threw out the window. . . when I could have stayed in China. I've also been reading these books:

Wild Swans by Jung Chang- the story of three generations of women living through the most recent sordid history of China. The author, her mother and her grandmother lived through things like being an unwilling concubine to a Warlord, living in Manchuria during the Japanese occupation, living in Manchuria during the occupation of the Koumintang (Chiang Kai Sheik) working for the communist underground, being a communist party member and wife of a high ranking communist party official, the famine of the early 1960s, being a teenager during the cultural revolution, being a denounced party member and having a husband/father go insane because of the cultural revolution and so on. It is a seriously incredible book. Everyone should read it.

Life and Death in Shanghai by Nien Cheng- This woman worked for the Shell Oil company's branch in Shanghai as an assistant/interpreter for the upper management. During the cultural revolution she was (unjustly) accused of being a spy for the British through this position and was put in prison, in solitary confinement (tortured at points) and completely separated from her daughter for 6 and a half years. I mean damn.

The Life of Mao Zedong by John Spence (Historian) -I've only just touched on this one a bit because I got distracted by this one . . .

Riding the Iron Rooster by Paul Theroux - Its his account of riding by train throughout most of China, which intrigues me to no end, the prospect of getting to see the Western social anomalies, which abound in China that I myself have witnessed put down in print. Its awesome.

Basically I'm in love with all things China. Oh and has anyone else noticed my Location on the sidebar of this blog? Yeah I just can't seem to bring myself to change it from saying Tianjin.

I got another, better job yo.

For serious! I was suppossed to sign on at triple A but my old boss hooked me up with an interview for an open position in the company she now works for. It's in the textbook industry which I already have experience in, but its in an officey setting, with better hours. The boss-fella even told my friend that I was over-qualified, which felt nice, b/c this is the first time I've ever been over-qualified for anything! And they're paying me more money than AAA! It'll be pretty sweet I'm hoping.
Oh and guess what I was doing when my friend called to tell me they were offering me the job?
. . . signing the lease on my bitchin new apartment. Its a 2 bedroom in the nicest neighborhood thats still in downtown. I can walk or ride my bike anywhere downtown. (maybe even to work, this remains to be seen during a trial run this weekend-cuz I still don't have a car)And it's an F'n STEAL. There's even a little shaded perfect-for-a-garden-party area in the back!!!! I landed a new apartment and a new job in the same ten minute time-span. Me=Fucking Stoked

Now all I need is a car and free gas and I'm set homies.

I got a job yo.

K, I got a job and was kinda psyched about it until I found out I'm gonna have to work on Saturdays, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid. (I never thought I'd say this but . . .) I was really gunning for a M-F 9-5, ya dig? So I'm going to keep shopping. And my old boss at the textbook store is now working at another textbook store and she told me there's a position open there, and she can put in a good word for me. So hopefully we're looking into that tomorrow. I might also apply to be a bank teller. Does anybody know how much they make?
Yesterday, my dad gave me a copy of the recent National Geographic, China special issue. And today I gave my mom the pearl earrings that I got for her in Shanghai, for Mother's Day! This coming week I'm really going to work on putting together my Year in China Slide-show. And this afternoon me and possible future roommate are going to go apartment hunting. Fun!

You know what my problem is?

Too many goals-Not enough dedication.
Seriously, so I've been thinking about how I want to go to grad school. For along time I've been thinking that a doctorate in Philosophy would be a nice mantel-piece. Ever since I got back from China though, I'm all "Oooohh, a Masters in Diplomacy and International Relations would be very pretty also!" (To be fair, I have been looking at a lot of programs online, doing some research.) But then I'm all, "Oh wait LA. What about being a travel writer? What about that? Oh and idunno, getting a job, period? And what about mastering Chinese and French-Where are you in those endeavors LA?" . . . thats what I thought-Not far.
Oh and lets not forget the often renewed resolve to learn an instrument, which has yet to happen. And what about your NYE resolution to become a Rubik's Cube master. You haven't even solved more than 2/3 of it yet. Or the CNYE resolution to be more athletic? And gawd forbid I should ever commit to a relationship for more than a couple of months. HFS, what is wrong with me? Basically, I got no follow-through. And it's a problem I have no idea how to solve.

Man.

The world is F'n scary. Jobs. Cars. Apartments. Graduate schools. Its insane.

. . . I have no idea what I'm doing. Can someone else do it for me?

Things I miss about China

1. my friends
2. the 5th floor walk-up to my old apt, up dirty cement stairs
3. the food, gawd the food; gan bien do jiao (spicy garlicy green beans), feng wei do gan (fried crispy salty sichuan tofu), qiezi (eggplant), and OMG street food, the chicken sandwich things, egg crepe things, Chinese doughnut thingys, liang mian (cold noodles wiht spicy seasame)
4. the crowded dirty streets, lack of personal space, and the lack of proper queues that I once abhorred
5. public transportation and being able to take a cab anywhere
6. and not being scared of the insane chaos of traffic, somehow driving in America for the last few weeks has just shot my nerves, but in China I was completely comfortable in the madness. Go figure.
7. hearing and speaking Chinese
8. impressing people with my mad bargaining skillz
9. everything being soooo insanely cheap, and thus living like a queen
10. my students (mostly just the good ones though)
11. the feeling of being transient, but that it was okay. Here at home it just makes me a louse.

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If you are on facebook, I finally finished posting all my pics from my backpacking trip. Check it!